I Have Confidence In Me

For several days now I have been trying to figure out how this post should go. I have found myself typing and deleting and typing a little more and deleting. I just was not satisfied with the words I kept coming up with, they were not good enough... I finally hit a breakthrough, though. Confession: it involves Julie Andrews and The Sound Of Music. Let me explain. Just the other day, my sister and I were sprawled out on the couch enjoying a day of doing nothing and watching The Sound Of Music. My assumption is that everyone has seen this movie AT LEAST once, and if you haven't, then -- I'll keep my thoughts to myself about you! Anyway, there is a song that Maria (Julie Andrews) sings on her way to become a governess called, "I Have Confidence In Me." (Here is a link to the song so that you know what I'm talking about... I Have Confidence In Me ) As cheesy as you think it is, this song quite literally describes the situation I was in when writing this post and the place I am in life at this moment. Now, obviously I am not going to be a governess for seven children, but the words applied 100%.

"Oh I must stop these doubts, all these worries

If I don't I just know I'll turn back

I must dream of the things I am seeking 

I am seeking the courage I lack..."

"And mind me with each step I am more certain

Everything will turn out fine

I have confidence the world can all be mine

They'll have to agree I have confidence in me"

Confidence. That's what I need! I am not talking confidence in regards to appearance (that is just a whole other post) but confidence in my abilities, confidence in the fact that I am good enough, confidence that I am beyond capable. Confidence. We could all use a little more of it. 

How many times have you been rejected? How often do you criticize yourself or downplay your capabilities for fear of failure or not being "good enough?" I do it all the time, probably everyday. I mean, it's human nature really, but I look around and see so much doubt in the world already. Why are we adding to the mess by holding ourselves down? If it's okay with you, I'd like to give you a few reasons why you have every right to prance around singing like you were in The Sound Of Music yourself, with all the confidence in the world!

1. You Are God's Child and He did not mess up with you. There are a few cases that like to make me think maybe he just didn't have time to give certain people any sense in their heads and that's why they are the way they are. No. Not true. He did not go wrong with any of us. He has given you every day to live with purpose and with passion. He loves and appreciates you when others don't, he holds onto your hand and guides you through the times when you feel on top of the world, and the times you feel crushed by it. Have confidence in that truth alone!   Galations 3:26 "For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith 

1. Don't Worry, Failure Helps You Grow if you let it. I've known myself and other people to simply shut down in the midst of failure. Let's face it, we're ashamed of failing, letting ourselves and others down. It doesn't feel good, sometimes it's embarrassing, and it always hurts. Take it as a lesson. Take it as an even better reason to let confidence in. Don't be the same, be better. It is so easy to believe in yourself when you are succeeding, but why not believe in yourself during times of trial for a change, and see what happens? 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  

1. You Have A Choice of whether or not you are going to live your life by the way the world defines you. You have a choice to chase your dreams or let them fade into the background. You have the choice to let fear take you up in it's suffocating grasp, or kick it in the face. You have the choice to stay hidden behind your walls, or show the world that pretty face. Go ahead, be the mediocre version of yourself, just do enough work to simply pass, let everyone else make your decisions, let them hold you back, or...  Go forth in confidence, chin up, smile so big your nose scrunches up, the fears and the past behind you, the whole wide world in front of you. 

As I encourage you with these things, I want to say that I am speaking them to myself just as well. I have endured unbearable aching pains in my heart, my confidence dim and flickering. However, I am a child of God, my failure will help me grow, and I have the choice and can make the decision to not be afraid, to not let other's thoughts of me have control over my own perceptions and over my dreams. Now go listen to Julie Andrew's song and dance around (I did). Know that your worth is infinite and be bold in your confidence. 

                                   

I would love to hear your thoughts. Tell me what you have to be confident about in yourself today. Leave a comment, shoot me an email, or go leave me a message on my Facebook page, Her Grateful Heart. And if you need some more encouragement, I love to talk and am humbled to listen. 

{living with confidence and forever grateful, Ashley}

Embracing An Imperfect You

Happy Saturday, lovely people! Let me start this by telling y'all how blown away I was by how many people viewed and shared my post from last week. I'm no expert blogger but the comments I received from so many of you were crazy inspiring, so thank you!! 

 I recently did a super awesome photo shoot with my sister, (very deep and dramatic and weird) but so much fun. After I saw how the pictures turned out I thought, "there is really something that could be said here about our imperfect hearts." What I mean by that is, we are stained with darkness and hidden by beautiful masks that conceal the most secret parts of ourselves, for which we are too ashamed or too afraid to reveal. 

There is this ever looming dark side full of sin, regret, lies, and mistakes that latch on to us and show no mercy.  We live in a society that often leads us to believe that we're better off keeping our flaws hidden and the mistakes we've made kept secret for fear that someone might judge us, that no one will accept us. So we simply shove the filth deep down and pretend that everything is right in our hearts. As it is often said, we allow ourselves to become "two faced" and we mold to fit the circumstances that we're in. Here's the thing though... I am an imperfect person serving a flawlessly perfect God. He is perfect for me, so why am I going through all of the trouble trying to be something that I will never be?
I recently read a hilarious post in which adults asked children questions about marriage and relationships. One question asked, "What do most people do on a first date?" A 10 year old answered, "On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Y'all... a 10 year old. What is going on in this world?! But as sad as that is, it is so true. ((Now hear me out, I highly suggest that you don't unveil the deepest parts of your heart with someone on the first date. That is the kind of material you reveal to someone that you're seriously considering marriage with.)) However, lying and hiding away things just comes so natural that even children understand it. If we don't really ever know each other because people choose to hide behind a false self, how do we even know or recognize our own selves? When you look in the mirror, what version of you, do you want to see?

The truth is, brokenness is beautiful. When we allow Christ to break us of our chains, when we let him to take all of our struggle, the lies we tell ourselves, the things we think people would never understand, he will begin to fill the darkest, most imperfect pieces of our hearts with light and freedom. // My face is stained, my hands are dirty, I am guilty of too many mistakes to count on any of my fingers or toes. but you know what? I am okay with that. I am okay with that because every time I run and hide, God calls me back out of my comfort zone to be fearless and embrace my imperfect heart, and each time I grow and learn to be more like him. Life is tough, we have all experienced it in a hundred different ways and believe me when I say, I know that it is easier to keep the flaws tucked away. We cheat, lie, steal, lust, covet, hate, criticize, we put our identities in everything but God and a million other things on a daily basis, but today I urge you to be brave. Take off whatever mask you hide behind, because although you may not want to admit it even to yourself, you know exactly what holds you back from the perfect plan that is for your life. If you know the Lord, let him take precedence in your heart, and you will be amazed at how he works.

We are called to love him more than anything else, and that is a crazy concept that I struggle with daily. I have put my love and my faith in myself and others more than God for my whole life and the ugly baggage from those things remain scarred on me. His promises are true though, and I would rather let go of trying to juggle two me's, the me that lives by what I want, and the me that lives by what God wants. That will never workout perfectly because I am human, but let me tell you... the joy and freedom in my heart will be abounding when he gives me this new freedom and saves me from the road I've been traveling on.


You might be rolling your eyes thinking I'm just preaching at you, but my intention is to encourage you with this. My blog is called Her Grateful Heart and y'all, I am SO grateful that I am not perfect and even more grateful that God does not expect me to be.  I appreciate the pain I've had to feel and the consequences I've faced because of mistakes that I've made. Learn to love yourself and others that way. None of us comes without a past, none of us comes without scars on our hearts, so show people grace and love, even when they let you down. Be real, be you, flaws and all. It's way too complicated attempting to live a "two faced" kind of life. 

Luke 12:2 says "Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known" 

"Maybe life isn't about avoiding the bruises, maybe it's about collecting the scars to prove we showed up for it." 

Show up for your life, take off the mask, be intentional, and try not to lie on your first date just to get a second one ;)

{forever grateful, Ashley}

A Heart For God, Not For Me

There's a lot that can be said about the heart. It's pretty incredible the way God has wired us together, to feel so much. If there's anything that I've learned about the heart, it would be that it's way more physically equipped to deal with hard stuff than it is emotionally. I am not extraordinarily wise and most of the time I know how to give advice better than I can take it, but I have been faced with some super tough "heart" stuff growing up. I have a whole lot more to learn about myself, but based on my personal experiences with let downs and heartbreaks, I'd like to reach out to all the beautiful girls, or anyone else, out there whose hearts might have them quite literally feeling like they can't catch their balance or their breath.

Let me start this post by being a little vulnerable and open with you. I very recently went through a tough breakup. And I mean a rough, ugly, no fun, miserable breakup after three and a half years together. Like most of us girls, we way too often fall into the lie that we have to put all of our faith in a guy that is especially no where near capable of protecting his own heart, let alone ours. You've heard it a thousand times, that the only man we are to give our whole hearts away too, is the one who can count our every tear, God. I knew this to be true through the entirety of my three year relationship, but I was consumed with giddy love and the desire to feel wanted by someone (at 15 years old, how did I know what I was getting myself into anyway?!). I allowed a guy to fill the deep voids of my heart, and made the mistake of not surrendering my heart to the will of God. I've grown up a little since then, but I never fully surrendered myself to Christ, instead an imperfect man. Now, he was an amazing person. He was sweet, full of love for me, and we made wonderful memories and learned so much from our time together. He had Jesus in his heart but neither of us was ready for the responsibilities that a committed relationship would require. False promises were made, and honesty and integrity were long gone. By the time we broke up, I no longer recognized that person I had grown to love and respect, instead someone cold had taken his place. I too had changed and the distance between us was immense. So many nights I've cried out asking God why in the world he would allow someone to be such a huge part of my life for so long and why he would allow me to truly believe that I was going to marry this person one day... Then have everything come crashing down in such a horrible way?

Not too long ago I woke up in the middle of the night crying for no apparent reason and heard this answer in my heart: "You made another person your idol and you put him and yourself above my perfect plan for you. You still feel all of your insecurities because you allowed a man to define the person you would become. He was always going to let you down, but I created you, and I love you, and I will not. My arms are outstretched to you, come to me and I promise my plan for you is beautiful." Um. What?! Yes, true story. God is there, he hears you.

If you can relate to any of this, let me say, your broken heart and that terrible pain you feel or the things you struggle with deep inside of yourself, God will save you from it and from your flaws if you allow him to,  he will save you from further pain, and push you to grow into the person you were really meant to be. Years down the road we'll all have dark days to look back on and say "thank you, Lord for putting me through it. Thank you, Lord for allowing me to get lost so that I could be found." If you've ever been "boy/girl crazy" like I have, give it up. No, I'm not telling you to be single for life, I'm telling you to let God handle it!! Girlfriends, if you're not married, your man is out there. I know for me, I've begun to pray for my future husband everyday. That he would love Jesus more than anything in this world and that he would have a radiating heart to put Christ and me over himself. In the meantime, I will guard my heart and hold myself close to the one who will always protect me. I truly believe that God has given me the potential to change the world (that's so super hero of me I know) and to serve and spread his love like fire over the Earth. So being single is not a bad thing. Singleness just means you have an even bigger opportunity to serve the Lord without any worry of protecting another person and let yourself become whole in Christ. {You will be more alone in a hollow relationship without God, than in no relationship but with God.} Now, in college, a good majority of people think being single means freedom to live a life without boundaries, don't believe that lie either (I promise you, it's okay to be different). If you have God in your heart, live for him and let him grow the fruit of the spirit in your life. This world is a big scary place, but it doesn't always have to be.

I'm a mess, and so are we all. We are all broken, we make terrible mistakes and we try to live our lives without any guidance, but God's love will heal what hurt so badly divides. Every person that comes into our lives, whether it's a girlfriend, boyfriend, or just a friend, comes with a reason and leaves little footprints on our hearts, but they may not stay there forever. Trust in the promise of God's plan. We have to allow ourselves to be worn and surrendered at Jesus' feet because he will bring peace and rest to our souls.

Song of Solomon 8:4 says "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" 

 Things take time. So just be patient.

{forever grateful, Ashley}