When Jesus Stopped Being Good Enough

When Jesus stopped being good enough I noticed my world start to fall down around me. When the plans I had created for myself took precedence over the ones He had been designing 20 years in the making, I was no longer satisfied with this life and always thirsting for more. When Jesus stopped being good enough, my heart felt a constant ache and no matter what or who I filled it with, I was empty. When Jesus stopped being good enough, my love for others was weak because I could hardly love myself. When He isn't good enough, families crumble, relationships fill with turmoil, high standards become dangerously low, and flesh fails.

 In case you need reminding, this world is a savage place for our sinful hearts. The enemy draws us in with thoughts like, "it's really not a big deal," and "I can handle this on my own, I'm strong enough" and "well, God's not going anywhere, I know he'll forgive me." Hear the truth my friends, this world is not our home. This world is not our playground, it is not for us to use for our own gain. It is, however, where God has placed us to make much of Him and give Him the glory. We take God, and we turn Him into our own personal sidekick. When we need something it's "hey God, there's this thing I really need you to do cause it'll make me super happy. It'd be awesome if you'd follow through for me God, thank's you're the best... P.S. I'll be back when I need you next." We're missing it. We're missing the whole point and we're missing out on all he has planned because he isn't good enough to be the superhero, so we make him the sidekick thinking we can handle it and he can just help out. The thing is, he is more than good enough, he is everything, he is sovereign and he quite literally is the hero of this story.

There's been some situations recently where I thought I could handle it. For me it was the whole, "but God, it's really not a big deal." I liked to think that I knew what I wanted, that I knew what I needed. Everyday I was battling with the Lord and myself over this thing. He's been telling me to give it up and I keep saying, "no, I want it. I can't do that." You see, I wasn't letting him be good enough to satisfy my heart. All I've been hearing back is, "Ashley, you don't understand. The plans I've written out for you, your purpose, it is so much greater than this thing you're trying to hold onto." He has been constantly whispering to my heart that once I let go completely, when I begin to pursue Him with deep adoration instead of these things that just hurt my heart and hold me back, he will bring something so much bigger into my life. Basically, what I keep having to learn over and over again is that no man can satisfy the way my God satisfies, and I need not to turn back to what he has already saved me from. He is worth everything. He is worth giving up what I think I love, for something he already knows is better. I'd like to view God as though I could give up my cozy bed right now and go live outside in a box and he would still be good enough. And he would be.

So you see, when He stops being good enough, everything in our lives stop being good enough. -- Who or what things do you need to let go of so that you can delight in the Lord with all of your heart... So that no matter the circumstance, He is enough to fill you up and that everything you do might point to him? Have trust in Him that He will always follow through on His promises and has something greater for you and for me.

{forever grateful, Ashley}

"Be still before The Lord and with patiently for him" Psalm 37:7

"Be filled with love sourced from God and not from ourselves or those we love. May we be satisfied by Him to the point of spilling over, demonstrating who God is by the way we choose to love." 

-She Reads Truth 

#Goals

Oh you know, it's that time again -- pull out the school supplies, print the syllabus, get that dreaded first email from the professor. A new semester is back in full swing and with it comes the hype of football games, rush week, old friends, and new ones. I don't know about you, but to me, the beginning of each new year feels like embarking on a grand adventure. You start off with this idea in mind of where it's going to take you and which direction you want to go, but you don't really know what kind of excitement you'll venture into until you dive right in. I love the chase, the thrill of the adventure and the fact that if God's got anything to do with it, I know for sure that by the end of this year, my life will look totally different than it does sitting at my computer in this exact moment. Yes, I am probably way too hyped up about this, but for a moment, stop and think of all that you can do in the eight to nine months time you have in school, or wherever you might be. It's the cliché saying, "there's a world of opportunity" out there and it's totally true. So my question to you is, what are you going to do with your year? What are your #goals, as we all say?

I'm sure you have at least a few things that come to mind, probably something like "get better grades this semester..." Which hello, that's probably a great goal most of us should have! I'm not talking surface level, though. I'm talking, you're about to embark on a wild new adventure and change the world... #goals. (Excuse me as I get a bit carried away over the idea of changing the world, it's at the top of my list. Still working on it, I'll get back to you.) So what's it going to be? I have a total nerdy side to me, so I sat down and made myself a list of goals for this year, you know, get a vision going. It is so easy to lose sight of priorities in the midst of keeping your social life "on point" and trying to fit in. I mean, it's a little scary really, looking around at our generation and seriously wondering what we're about to get ourselves into with this group. So I say, it's better late than never to start raising up a generation that has drive and big goals and dreams for their lives. If you know me, or you've read any of my other blog posts, you know that I have some pretty big and far fetched goals. I am definitely the dreamer. But I would rather sit and listen intently to the guy that still talks about how he wants to be the president one day or an astronaut, as if he's five, than the one who's coasting through life expecting his grand purpose to just show up at his door one day.

Psalm 84:11 says "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly." My ultimate goal is to live out a life full of integrity, standing steadfast for what is right and true in the eyes of my great God and making his name known in all places. So why not make it our goal to walk uprightly and do it with aspirations like that of a young child? Not just because the verse says we should and that if we do God will make good things happen for us, but because we serve a Lord that is our perfect shield and who wants for us to believe that heck yeah we can change the world if we want to. So as cheesy as this might sound, make this year your year to chase after big goals, do more than just what everybody else is doing, and show up for your life. Take the adventure, step out in faith knowing that you have a God standing firm behind you. It's not an easy thing, setting big goals for yourself can mean a big let down if it doesn't work out, and sometimes God even makes us wait for things (I know, shocker, as we live in a world where we want things NOW)... But if not, he is still good. So I say --

"Wake up early. Drink coffee. Work hard. Be ambitious. Keep your priorities straight, your mind right and your head up. Do well, live well, and dress really well. Do what you love, love what you do. Start living. And look at your own life and say... #goals."

Hope everyone has a great year!

{forever grateful, Ashley}

An Open Letter To My Future Self

Hey it's me, you from many years ago...

I don't know where life has taken you, but I hope it's somewhere wonderful. I'm writing you this letter  to hopefully serve as a reminder of how far you've come. Remember all those times you doubted yourself? The times you felt so alone and confused? When you didn't think God ever heard your cries for help, when you just couldn't see how you'd ever make any of your big dreams a reality, or get past all of the stupid mistakes you made? I've been feeling a lot of those things. My prayer for you is that now, down the road, you're looking back and you're smiling at this old self, smiling and remembering how strong you became because of me. I worry. I worry because I can't see you, I don't know what the future holds and I'm not sure how to get to you yet. But you do, you are my future and I can't wait to meet you and see all that you've done, everything you've accomplished. I hope you had the chance to chase after all the things that I'm still sitting here wanting to do but haven't done yet, and that God has provided you with more blessings than you'll ever deserve. I hope you pursued the career you always wanted, I hope you get to serve others everyday and be a light for all of God's people. Maybe you've married the man of your dreams, maybe you have beautiful little kids, or maybe not. Maybe your life now looks completely different than I imagined it would, but whatever it looks like, I hope you think it was worth all of the bumps in the road getting there. Even though you don't exist yet as I'm writing this, you give me hope to keep believing in myself even as I continue to fail. I'm your past, and though I'll become just a memory, I'll always be with you because I shaped you. What I do today effects who you (or we, I guess I should say) will be tomorrow and several years down the road. I'll mess up, I've already messed up. But I've also succeeded. Future self, I want you to look back and be proud of who you were because it made you who you are. Of course, you won't be proud of everything and those things are the ones you really learned from. In this moment I'm doing my best with what I've been given, so overall, I hope you can look back at me and appreciate me. Tell stories about me, about all of the adventures I went on, all of the beautiful relationships I had (and the not so beautiful ones), the crazy things I did, all of the things I'm trying to do now so that you have the chance to change the world later. I want you to forgive your old self for the choices I've made that may have negatively impacted the life you have now in some way. I look up to you, so I want you to keep believing in your potential, don't take life too seriously, love fiercely, forgive without punishing, stay motivated, give more than you take, laugh until you give yourself wrinkles, love yourself, and always remember to pursue God first. I'll see you soon.

                                                Love, Me.

                                     

Look Up to the Mountains

Ah Monday, how I adore the way you love to creep up on me after a nice, relaxing weekend. But here we are, just you and me -- and my strong cup of coffee. As I'm back at home this week, scrambling to get things done before another much anticipated week of travel, I'm quickly being reminded of how fulfilling and renewing it is to just. be. still. Now, I'm an avid lover of adventure. I don't want to sit still, I want to see it all and do it all and meet everyone and do everything! Amidst all the excitement and fun that summer can bring, I find myself forgetting to be still sometimes. As I spend less time being soaked up with God's word and his spirit, taking time to pray and listen to what he has for me daily, I begin to spend more time fixating on the often overwhelming "loudness" that is life.

I just recently returned home from a family trip to Vail Colorado. For me, the trip was a desperately needed getaway from reality, because reality had me drowning. I was overwhelmed, life had been screaming at me, and it was time to silence it for a brief moment. So we went. And boy oh boy was my spirit transformed in the presence of some of God's most beautiful work in those mountains. I've traveled to the Rockies a thousand times, but never had I experienced them in this way before. For once in my life I really saw the beauty of it all and took in every last ounce of that crisp air, as if I'd never have another chance to breath it in. This time, the views had me in awe, in tears even, at how magnificent our God is. For seven days in that beautiful place, I was still. Of course, we were busy going out and hiking and shopping and laughing and enjoying ourselves, but my world was still and my God was present everywhere.

I started every morning on the back deck of my grandparents' home, a place I'd come almost every summer growing up. Every morning I would sit there and be in God's word, sometimes I would just pray, sometimes I would gaze out upon the mountains in complete silence for what felt like hours. (Almost) every night I went for a run as the sun went down in the valley. Mornings and nights were my favorite part of everyday because I felt the closest to God as he painted pictures for me in the sky. Before the trip I had been in a tug-of-war with God. I wanted something, but it seemed like he would keep taking things away. Or, I needed him to just tell me the plan, but all I kept hearing was nothing. In those moments, those mornings and those nights, he began revealing things to my stubborn heart. I finally could feel him just saying, "Ashley, you just need to be still, look around at what I've created. I've got this." And friends, the greatest truth I could ever speak to you is that, he does have this.

Over the course of a week I counted six rainbows. Six rainbows. Not just wimpy, faint appearances of a rainbow... Full on neon, you could see the pot of gold at both ends, rainbows. That was my promise from God, that even in the loudest and most overwhelming times of life, he is there, he is working, he is good. In those moments, when the air could not be more refreshing, the sunsets could not be full of anymore splendor, and the mountains could not be painted anymore beautifully, my heart was at peace and my soul fully renewed in the stillness and presence of the Lord.

 My point in sharing all of this is to say, take in those opportunities to see God in the quiet places and learn to just be still and simply listen. This world that we're a part of moves a million miles an hour. We spend more time obsessing over current issues and being consumed by the deafening screams of life than we do just shutting it all out for a moment to have peace. So go on an adventure, take a road trip, get on a plane, or walk out in your back yard, lie on the ground and look up at the sky -- Just. Be. Still. God has great big plans and he can do great big things, just look at what he's capable of and tell me he doesn't have huge intentions for your life. I needed some reminding of his promises, and he showed them to me in the most spectacular of ways. Take some time this week to slow down for a moment and enjoy his beautiful promises.

"I look up to the mountains, does my strength come from the mountains? No. My strength comes from God, who made Heaven and Earth, and the mountains." -For King & Country

{forever grateful, Ashley}

Dream Chaser

I want to be a dream chaser. Headstrong. Independent. Passionate. Adventurous. Dream Chaser. On the side, I'd like to try my hand at changing the world... And in no particular order, I want to graduate with honors from college. I want to go to Grad School and work hard to earn my degree. I want to learn new things. I want to be a missionary. I want to lead people in worship. I want the whole world to know Jesus. I want to mentor young girls to grow into strong women. I want to travel the world. I want to start a company. I want to help children talk. I want to jump out of a plane. I want to be a writer. I want to marry the man of my dreams. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I want to have cute little babies. I want to own a home. I want to start a non-profit... The list goes on. With this burning fire in my heart I want not only to chase after my dreams, I want to make them real.

On the other side of my wild imagination is a wall I keep running into, the feeling of being "stuck." I'm sure you've heard people say, "the world is your oyster!" You can do anything and go anywhere, you have "the world at your finger tips!" I don't know the guy that came up with those phrases, but I sure wish I did because he seems like he has it all figured out. I don't particularly like oysters, and my fingertips are pretty small... and like I said, sometimes I just feel plain stuck. Do you ever just feel that way? This is sort of what I sound like in my head: "But there's these mistakes I've made, and this regret, and all this time I've wasted, and there's my broken heart, and that's just too big of a dream, I could never actually accomplish that, and no one will want me, no one will care, *gasp for breath* and I'm just not talented enough, I'm not outgoing enough, I just don't know how!!"
Don't even deny it, you sound that whiny in your head too.

And here's what's happening... We're allowing the shame of the past and the comfort of the present and the fear of the future completely tie us down and hold us back. 

Not too long ago I was watching the sun come up on a quiet morning and spending some quality time with God. In my devotional, (It's called She Reads Truth and it's totally awesome) I was reading the story of Lot's wife. You know, the one where Lot and his family are told to flee from Sodom and Gomorrah by two angels and never look back? But Lot's wife takes just one quick glance back at her home, the place she knows and is so comfortable with, just for one second... and she is turned into a pillar of salt. As I was reading I was reminded of how God has rescued me from some stuff. Some situations and some relationships that he never had intended me to stay in. He called me out, and he told me not to look back because the plan he has for my future is so much greater. But you know what I keep doing? I keep turning back in my mind, wishing and wondering how things would be different. Basically, He should have turned me into a pillar of salt a million times over by now. See, that's the thing about our dreams and about feeling stuck. God wants more than anything for us to chase after our dreams and to bring him the glory through it all. He doesn't want us to feel stuck in a rut as we tell ourselves that we're just one person and there's no way we could accomplish anything great. We insist on living in the past, reaching back for old mistakes and sins that he has already saved us from. We just float aimlessly in the present, literally stuck, not working towards anything because ultimately we're afraid of failure in the future. So how do I make any of those dreams up there a reality if I just let myself stay stuck? 

Here's the solution I've come up with so far... Time to stop reaching back into the past, it's over, it's gone. Start making plans, if you have a tug on your heart to go do something, pray about it and act on it, no more waiting around (for example: I have a passion for kids, mentorship, and volunteering. Last week I called my local Big Brothers Big Sisters non-profit and I start the process of becoming a Big Sis in a few weeks). Create a vision. I had a girls weekend with family not too long ago and we went out and bought canvas, got on Pinterest, and pulled out old magazines and made dream boards. That might sound cheesy to you, but especially if you're a creative person, visualizing your goals and aspirations is such a great way to get things going, plus it's so cute hanging up on my wall! 

I love the quote, "If you're dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." Have great big dreams, and chase after them whole heartedly. Don't even give the past one glance, it is only but a memory now. And yeah, the future is unknown and scary but you'll also never know the great things that the Lord has waiting for you if you don't start chasing after it. I can't wait to be sitting around with family and friends years from now, laughing and talking about all the things we've done, how the past shaped us and how chasing after our dreams changed us. 

"What God has saved you for is so much greater than what He's saved you from." -She Reads Truth

{forever grateful, Ashley}

I Have Confidence In Me

For several days now I have been trying to figure out how this post should go. I have found myself typing and deleting and typing a little more and deleting. I just was not satisfied with the words I kept coming up with, they were not good enough... I finally hit a breakthrough, though. Confession: it involves Julie Andrews and The Sound Of Music. Let me explain. Just the other day, my sister and I were sprawled out on the couch enjoying a day of doing nothing and watching The Sound Of Music. My assumption is that everyone has seen this movie AT LEAST once, and if you haven't, then -- I'll keep my thoughts to myself about you! Anyway, there is a song that Maria (Julie Andrews) sings on her way to become a governess called, "I Have Confidence In Me." (Here is a link to the song so that you know what I'm talking about... I Have Confidence In Me ) As cheesy as you think it is, this song quite literally describes the situation I was in when writing this post and the place I am in life at this moment. Now, obviously I am not going to be a governess for seven children, but the words applied 100%.

"Oh I must stop these doubts, all these worries

If I don't I just know I'll turn back

I must dream of the things I am seeking 

I am seeking the courage I lack..."

"And mind me with each step I am more certain

Everything will turn out fine

I have confidence the world can all be mine

They'll have to agree I have confidence in me"

Confidence. That's what I need! I am not talking confidence in regards to appearance (that is just a whole other post) but confidence in my abilities, confidence in the fact that I am good enough, confidence that I am beyond capable. Confidence. We could all use a little more of it. 

How many times have you been rejected? How often do you criticize yourself or downplay your capabilities for fear of failure or not being "good enough?" I do it all the time, probably everyday. I mean, it's human nature really, but I look around and see so much doubt in the world already. Why are we adding to the mess by holding ourselves down? If it's okay with you, I'd like to give you a few reasons why you have every right to prance around singing like you were in The Sound Of Music yourself, with all the confidence in the world!

1. You Are God's Child and He did not mess up with you. There are a few cases that like to make me think maybe he just didn't have time to give certain people any sense in their heads and that's why they are the way they are. No. Not true. He did not go wrong with any of us. He has given you every day to live with purpose and with passion. He loves and appreciates you when others don't, he holds onto your hand and guides you through the times when you feel on top of the world, and the times you feel crushed by it. Have confidence in that truth alone!   Galations 3:26 "For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith 

1. Don't Worry, Failure Helps You Grow if you let it. I've known myself and other people to simply shut down in the midst of failure. Let's face it, we're ashamed of failing, letting ourselves and others down. It doesn't feel good, sometimes it's embarrassing, and it always hurts. Take it as a lesson. Take it as an even better reason to let confidence in. Don't be the same, be better. It is so easy to believe in yourself when you are succeeding, but why not believe in yourself during times of trial for a change, and see what happens? 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  

1. You Have A Choice of whether or not you are going to live your life by the way the world defines you. You have a choice to chase your dreams or let them fade into the background. You have the choice to let fear take you up in it's suffocating grasp, or kick it in the face. You have the choice to stay hidden behind your walls, or show the world that pretty face. Go ahead, be the mediocre version of yourself, just do enough work to simply pass, let everyone else make your decisions, let them hold you back, or...  Go forth in confidence, chin up, smile so big your nose scrunches up, the fears and the past behind you, the whole wide world in front of you. 

As I encourage you with these things, I want to say that I am speaking them to myself just as well. I have endured unbearable aching pains in my heart, my confidence dim and flickering. However, I am a child of God, my failure will help me grow, and I have the choice and can make the decision to not be afraid, to not let other's thoughts of me have control over my own perceptions and over my dreams. Now go listen to Julie Andrew's song and dance around (I did). Know that your worth is infinite and be bold in your confidence. 

                                   

I would love to hear your thoughts. Tell me what you have to be confident about in yourself today. Leave a comment, shoot me an email, or go leave me a message on my Facebook page, Her Grateful Heart. And if you need some more encouragement, I love to talk and am humbled to listen. 

{living with confidence and forever grateful, Ashley}

Embracing An Imperfect You

Happy Saturday, lovely people! Let me start this by telling y'all how blown away I was by how many people viewed and shared my post from last week. I'm no expert blogger but the comments I received from so many of you were crazy inspiring, so thank you!! 

 I recently did a super awesome photo shoot with my sister, (very deep and dramatic and weird) but so much fun. After I saw how the pictures turned out I thought, "there is really something that could be said here about our imperfect hearts." What I mean by that is, we are stained with darkness and hidden by beautiful masks that conceal the most secret parts of ourselves, for which we are too ashamed or too afraid to reveal. 

There is this ever looming dark side full of sin, regret, lies, and mistakes that latch on to us and show no mercy.  We live in a society that often leads us to believe that we're better off keeping our flaws hidden and the mistakes we've made kept secret for fear that someone might judge us, that no one will accept us. So we simply shove the filth deep down and pretend that everything is right in our hearts. As it is often said, we allow ourselves to become "two faced" and we mold to fit the circumstances that we're in. Here's the thing though... I am an imperfect person serving a flawlessly perfect God. He is perfect for me, so why am I going through all of the trouble trying to be something that I will never be?
I recently read a hilarious post in which adults asked children questions about marriage and relationships. One question asked, "What do most people do on a first date?" A 10 year old answered, "On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Y'all... a 10 year old. What is going on in this world?! But as sad as that is, it is so true. ((Now hear me out, I highly suggest that you don't unveil the deepest parts of your heart with someone on the first date. That is the kind of material you reveal to someone that you're seriously considering marriage with.)) However, lying and hiding away things just comes so natural that even children understand it. If we don't really ever know each other because people choose to hide behind a false self, how do we even know or recognize our own selves? When you look in the mirror, what version of you, do you want to see?

The truth is, brokenness is beautiful. When we allow Christ to break us of our chains, when we let him to take all of our struggle, the lies we tell ourselves, the things we think people would never understand, he will begin to fill the darkest, most imperfect pieces of our hearts with light and freedom. // My face is stained, my hands are dirty, I am guilty of too many mistakes to count on any of my fingers or toes. but you know what? I am okay with that. I am okay with that because every time I run and hide, God calls me back out of my comfort zone to be fearless and embrace my imperfect heart, and each time I grow and learn to be more like him. Life is tough, we have all experienced it in a hundred different ways and believe me when I say, I know that it is easier to keep the flaws tucked away. We cheat, lie, steal, lust, covet, hate, criticize, we put our identities in everything but God and a million other things on a daily basis, but today I urge you to be brave. Take off whatever mask you hide behind, because although you may not want to admit it even to yourself, you know exactly what holds you back from the perfect plan that is for your life. If you know the Lord, let him take precedence in your heart, and you will be amazed at how he works.

We are called to love him more than anything else, and that is a crazy concept that I struggle with daily. I have put my love and my faith in myself and others more than God for my whole life and the ugly baggage from those things remain scarred on me. His promises are true though, and I would rather let go of trying to juggle two me's, the me that lives by what I want, and the me that lives by what God wants. That will never workout perfectly because I am human, but let me tell you... the joy and freedom in my heart will be abounding when he gives me this new freedom and saves me from the road I've been traveling on.


You might be rolling your eyes thinking I'm just preaching at you, but my intention is to encourage you with this. My blog is called Her Grateful Heart and y'all, I am SO grateful that I am not perfect and even more grateful that God does not expect me to be.  I appreciate the pain I've had to feel and the consequences I've faced because of mistakes that I've made. Learn to love yourself and others that way. None of us comes without a past, none of us comes without scars on our hearts, so show people grace and love, even when they let you down. Be real, be you, flaws and all. It's way too complicated attempting to live a "two faced" kind of life. 

Luke 12:2 says "Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known" 

"Maybe life isn't about avoiding the bruises, maybe it's about collecting the scars to prove we showed up for it." 

Show up for your life, take off the mask, be intentional, and try not to lie on your first date just to get a second one ;)

{forever grateful, Ashley}

A Heart For God, Not For Me

There's a lot that can be said about the heart. It's pretty incredible the way God has wired us together, to feel so much. If there's anything that I've learned about the heart, it would be that it's way more physically equipped to deal with hard stuff than it is emotionally. I am not extraordinarily wise and most of the time I know how to give advice better than I can take it, but I have been faced with some super tough "heart" stuff growing up. I have a whole lot more to learn about myself, but based on my personal experiences with let downs and heartbreaks, I'd like to reach out to all the beautiful girls, or anyone else, out there whose hearts might have them quite literally feeling like they can't catch their balance or their breath.

Let me start this post by being a little vulnerable and open with you. I very recently went through a tough breakup. And I mean a rough, ugly, no fun, miserable breakup after three and a half years together. Like most of us girls, we way too often fall into the lie that we have to put all of our faith in a guy that is especially no where near capable of protecting his own heart, let alone ours. You've heard it a thousand times, that the only man we are to give our whole hearts away too, is the one who can count our every tear, God. I knew this to be true through the entirety of my three year relationship, but I was consumed with giddy love and the desire to feel wanted by someone (at 15 years old, how did I know what I was getting myself into anyway?!). I allowed a guy to fill the deep voids of my heart, and made the mistake of not surrendering my heart to the will of God. I've grown up a little since then, but I never fully surrendered myself to Christ, instead an imperfect man. Now, he was an amazing person. He was sweet, full of love for me, and we made wonderful memories and learned so much from our time together. He had Jesus in his heart but neither of us was ready for the responsibilities that a committed relationship would require. False promises were made, and honesty and integrity were long gone. By the time we broke up, I no longer recognized that person I had grown to love and respect, instead someone cold had taken his place. I too had changed and the distance between us was immense. So many nights I've cried out asking God why in the world he would allow someone to be such a huge part of my life for so long and why he would allow me to truly believe that I was going to marry this person one day... Then have everything come crashing down in such a horrible way?

Not too long ago I woke up in the middle of the night crying for no apparent reason and heard this answer in my heart: "You made another person your idol and you put him and yourself above my perfect plan for you. You still feel all of your insecurities because you allowed a man to define the person you would become. He was always going to let you down, but I created you, and I love you, and I will not. My arms are outstretched to you, come to me and I promise my plan for you is beautiful." Um. What?! Yes, true story. God is there, he hears you.

If you can relate to any of this, let me say, your broken heart and that terrible pain you feel or the things you struggle with deep inside of yourself, God will save you from it and from your flaws if you allow him to,  he will save you from further pain, and push you to grow into the person you were really meant to be. Years down the road we'll all have dark days to look back on and say "thank you, Lord for putting me through it. Thank you, Lord for allowing me to get lost so that I could be found." If you've ever been "boy/girl crazy" like I have, give it up. No, I'm not telling you to be single for life, I'm telling you to let God handle it!! Girlfriends, if you're not married, your man is out there. I know for me, I've begun to pray for my future husband everyday. That he would love Jesus more than anything in this world and that he would have a radiating heart to put Christ and me over himself. In the meantime, I will guard my heart and hold myself close to the one who will always protect me. I truly believe that God has given me the potential to change the world (that's so super hero of me I know) and to serve and spread his love like fire over the Earth. So being single is not a bad thing. Singleness just means you have an even bigger opportunity to serve the Lord without any worry of protecting another person and let yourself become whole in Christ. {You will be more alone in a hollow relationship without God, than in no relationship but with God.} Now, in college, a good majority of people think being single means freedom to live a life without boundaries, don't believe that lie either (I promise you, it's okay to be different). If you have God in your heart, live for him and let him grow the fruit of the spirit in your life. This world is a big scary place, but it doesn't always have to be.

I'm a mess, and so are we all. We are all broken, we make terrible mistakes and we try to live our lives without any guidance, but God's love will heal what hurt so badly divides. Every person that comes into our lives, whether it's a girlfriend, boyfriend, or just a friend, comes with a reason and leaves little footprints on our hearts, but they may not stay there forever. Trust in the promise of God's plan. We have to allow ourselves to be worn and surrendered at Jesus' feet because he will bring peace and rest to our souls.

Song of Solomon 8:4 says "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" 

 Things take time. So just be patient.

{forever grateful, Ashley}

Spring Reads

Hey y'all! I've been MIA for a little while, between preparing for finals and dealing with illness for a week and a half, life's been busy but I'm finally getting a post up! 

I don't know about y'all but Spring is one of my favorite times of the year. Here in Texas we have very few true "spring" days but they sure are beautiful when they come around. It's just refreshing to know that another school year is wrapping up and soon summer and lots of fun trips will be in full swing! So this afternoon my sis and I took advantage of some nice weather and had to have a little impromptu photo shoot in the backyard. 

So first things first, I'd really love to share with y'all in this post some books that I've recently been obsessing over! I'm the kind of girl that will walk into the book store with one specific book in mind, and come out with three more. I just can't get enough! A good book can really spark inspiration and great thought that will carry on with you forever. My top three favorite books right now are totally Jesus filled and I love it. I'm not going to do full book reviews on these because it would just take forever for me to tell you everything I love about them, but I've added some links for you to go check them out for yourself! 

My top fav right now is Love Does by Bob Goff and I recommend it for absolutely everyone (even the guys)! It is filled with such inspiring life stories of love and faith, and will surely bring tears of laughter and sweet joy to your eyes. I've been reading chapters to my mom, boyfriend, sister and everyone that I can get to listen!

So this next one is actually my favorite devotional that I've been reading daily. The God Girl Journey: a 30-Day Guide to a Deeper Faith written by Hayley DiMarco is a daily devotional for young women and teen girls. The description I've linked to Amazon makes it sound as though it's for a bit younger crowd, but I'm almost 20 years old and it has been perfect for me and my walk with Christ. love, love, love it! 

The last one I want to share with y'all is Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul  by John and Stasi Eldredge. I haven't actually dove far into it yet but my mom has read it and passed it down to me. There is also a guided journal that you can purchase to go with it. I'll share with you part of the description from Amazon which I think captures it perfectly: "The message of Captivating is this: Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel as a woman are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating."

Phew! I know that was a lot to take in, but I promise that you will not regret checking out some of these books. They're great when you just need some time for yourself to sit back (pretend you don't have finals to study for) and be filled with all that the Lord has to say. Life can become overwhelming and especially as a young college age girl trying to find her place in the world, it is so important to get back to the root of it all... Jesus.  If you do pick any of them up, let me know what you think! I hope you'll be as inspired as I have been by them so far. 

{forever grateful, Ashley}

Hi My Name Is...

Hello All, Welcome to my blog! My name is Ashley and my hope for this blog is just to give you a glimpse into my life, hopefully inspire you a little, and live out what it means to lead a grateful life. So a bit about me: I am a Pre-Communication Disorders (Speech Therapy) major at Texas State University. I also LOVE music, laughter, exploring the outdoors and new places in general. To me, family is the greatest blessing in life and I am sure you'll be hearing a lot about them on here. I am a huge lover of Jesus and want him to reflect through everything I do in life. 

I'm super excited to finally have my blog up and I hope you'll all enjoy reading it as much as I know I'll love writing and sharing my story with you. 

{forever grateful, Ashley}